It has been since the 6th of October since i posted last, I apologize. Had LOTS going on. I was in the process of getting an appointment to get all top 12 teeth extracted, and get the money saved up for that. In the middle of that, I got a summons from the Grand Jury in Nashville, so I had to call the federal building and find out what I needed to do since I had finally gotten a surgery date for the day before the summons date to appear, they cleared me and I did not have to serve on the Grand Jury, then the Oral surgeon got a quicker surgery date and got me in on Tues October 25th.
Surgery went well, only took an hour and I was done, Doc told hubby and that the 12 teeth extraction went very smooth and everything looks great and he sees no problems. It is a HUGE, weird sensation of having no top teeth LOL Even harder to “TRY” to eat. lol For 41yrs I ate without thinking, and now…………not so much LMAO You have no idea until you get that many teeth extracted how much you relied on the top teeth to eat. Mac n Cheese, jello, pudding, spaghetti with just sauce, chocolate milk flat room temperature tea, or soda, are my best buds for a while. Here is is day 4 and my gums are still very sore they look A LOT better than they did the 1st day. It was suggested that I rinse my mouth out with salt water or no alcohol mouthwash. my husband suggest salt water would be best. I tell him I don’t do well with salt water. I put a small amount in my mouth and vomited 3 times, the salt was so strong, so my husband then cut it 1/4 I trired it again not willingly, but vomited again more times than the first time. I rinsed my mouth out with water, then used the listerine no alcohol. My facial and gum muscles are ALL so sore, I called my doc he said that he sprained my facial muscles during surgery and that I just made it worse and sprained them worse by vomiting. He had me take pictures of my stitches in my mouth to make sure I didn’t tear or rip up any of the stitches, he saw and they all looked good, I hav a follow up appt on Tues after lunch.
Well my son has been is a liar, it’s official, he has been lying to me since Christmas of last yearm that I KNOW of & I just found out a week ago. Does it hurt, yes badly, am I surprised, No. My son is 22yrs old he does what he wants when he wants and no one tells him otherwise. He is Bipolar/manic depressive, he rapid cycles, and does very mean things to me once he moves away. He has the courage to be nasty , mean and hateful to me when he doesnt’ have to look me in the eye.
My son has hit an all time low with me this time though, which leaves me with thoughts that breaks my hearts into so many pieces that it cannot be put back together. I had surgery on the 25th of this month, not once did he he call my husband to see if the surgery had started, or how it was going had he heard anything from the Doc, was the surgery going well, nothing. He didn’t call that evening to see how I was feeling, or how the surgery went if there were any complications, not one call to check. Here is it the 30th 5 days later, we havent’ heard anything from him, no call to check even after 5 days. His own mother had surgery and he has not called to check to see i fI am ok. That is unacceptable as a friend let alone a family member, especially your mother. My husband said goodness knows what he is telling himself to justify him not wanting to find out, or the lack of care. I spoke with his former therapist and she said it sounds as if ihe is getting worse as far as the bipolar , that it tends to get worse and it comes out meaner in men the longer they go without asking for help with getting medication. She also said that his excuse of him going into the military service is not an excuse anylonger, she said she knew he had no intention of going in, and theat he let on hints that he wasn’t going in, she said him trying to fool her by letting her think he was still on the medication was and is typical of bipolars that go off their meds, they think that they are smarter than the people they talk to, she said he said things to me he had no idea he was saying. I knew he wasnt’ going to go in the military and that he was going to do soemthing drastic and it required him leaving this area, because he didn’t want to be the person that he was being here, he wanted to be kind of a “rogue” on his own no one to give him advise such as myself of you his mother. He felt trapped here, he needed to get so far away so that no one could touch him that cared about him. Friends dont’ care, they are people to have fun with, they will let you do what you want, and not judge him, that is what he wants, and that is what he is getting and it is working for him for now. He is 22yrs old, his therapist said that with bipolar he can live like this for the rest of his life IF he doesn’t get and ask for help. Eventually his friends will grown up and move on with their lives, get married have kids, get good jobs and leave Chris out. Then he will have a couple choices, he will find younger friends, or he will live out a life trying to hang on to his old friends, but their families will be more important, and they will have to start telling Chris they can’t do things, and Chris will start to be left out. His friends will have new friends, friends with kids, friends that they have more in common with than going out drinking and doing stupid things. his friends will have family responsibilities and tell chris that those days are over. Then Chris will be still working at a grocery store while his friends are in the military or have college educated jobs and families and Chris will be out in the cold. She said he is what she calls a “bridge burner” if he feels a friend has done him wrong that he cannot justicfy being fixed, he will walk away from them, burn the bridge so that he cannot cross back over because he doesn’t want to fix it, mainly because it was his fault the friendship ended. He can’t admit he is wrong ever. Basically she told me basical information that mostly I already knew. She was very sad to hear that he had gotten mad over something to trivial as a trip to TX, then not talking to you and calling to find out about a surgical procedure about his own mother. She said he may be throwing you in the group as a “bridge burner” you questioned his decision and he felt threatened so therefore you are not allowed to be in his life anymore.
My son called me three weeks ago and volunteered information that he had almost enough money to get his tattoo removed so that he could go in the AF. All this information he gave me I never asked. Then I get up one morning and look on my Facebook, & there is a picture of my son standing next to his friend who(he was supposed to go through basic training with) with my son standing in civilian clothes, and his friend in his AF dress blues, My son flew from Anchorage, Ak to San Antonio, Tx, after two weeks prior he told me he “almost” had enough to get the tattoos removed. I had a friend crunch some numbers for me and she said roughly it cost him 1200.00 to get to San Antonio, Tx flying rental car he told me he had and hotel for 3 days. I admit I jumped on him in Mom mode, here I thought he was living pay check to pay check, come to find out he had enough money and then some to go in the AF and go with his friend, but chose not to. I jumped his ass, I shouldn’t have but it was instinct, I couldn’t help myself. Here he was had a chance to get in the air force and he starts telling me how he talked to an Army recruiter told him he could keep the tattoo. All I was thinking is, this is all about him NOT getting rid of the tattoo, has he lied about having it covered up, to which I can do with my micro pigmentation equipment, but he didn’t want to do that, now I know why. So onto wrapping this paragraph up, today is my 42nd birthday, and along with no phone call to see how my surgery went on the 25 through today to see how I am doing, I have gotten no birthday call from him. I just found out my husband called and left him a voice mail yesterday and I have gotten not a call or a text since then. the longer he waits, the worse it get for him, he just doesn’t realize what he is going to me and the relationship, nor do I think he care at this moment. He is an adult is what he keeps telling us, yet fails to act like one. I can honestly say I am more disappointed in my son right now that I have ever been in his life, and it is going to take him getting some serious therapy and getting back on his meds to make up for what he has done.
Happy Birthday to me
Peace, love and & happiness
Nicole
